When It Rains, It Pours

The year 2023 has been quite a strange year indeed. In this year alone, I know of 4 people who died of some kind of brain hemorrhage. Two were elderly, one is about my age and the 4th one was in his early 60s when he passed. I attended his funeral on Sunday and I’m still processing the news because of the shock. I believe his family too is still coming to terms with his passing.

Today, I found out another friend is already at Stage 4 cancer. Somehow, I felt led by the Lord to send her a message and upon doing so, I got to know that piece of shocking news. As I’m trying to make time to meet up with her, I struggled to think of what I can bring for her. I could give her my artwork or flowers etc.. but the fact is none of those that we can hold with our hands can be brought out of this world when the Lord calls home.

All I can give her is my time and prayer. Both of which cannot be held with hands, but I hope she will bring with her when her time comes.

And so, you see how it’s been raining in my life lately. I hope the song ministers to you. I was introduced this song at the funeral I attended on Sunday.

So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. (2 Cor 4:18 NLT)

Another Year Older…Hopefully Wiser Too

Today I turn 46. One year older. One year wiser (hopefully).

I’m now even more determined to pursue my dreams. After all, if you don’t run after your dreams, you will be working to fulfill another’s dreams.

Meanwhile, I took time off from work and celebrated by pampering myself at the Chi Spa, Rasa Sayang. It was my birthday present.

Praying When One Can’t Say Anything

I met up with an old friend to catch up. I’m glad to hear that she will be getting married in the near future, although it means that she will be leaving the country. Yup! It’s like losing another friend.

Although it’s nice to know that someone loves you and is willing to grow old with you, I think I might end up taking the frying pan and whack the face of a guy who tells me what to wear, what not to wear etc…

I do not know him and I can’t judge. Although there’s a “check” in my heart that wonders if she’s doing the right thing. But, I can’t say anything and I don’t want to say anything. I will just pray for her. That all goes well.

Longing For The Familiar

I met up with an old friend, whom I don’t get to see that often just because he’s so far away. Every time I see him, I wish that he could stay a little longer. It’s not because I’m harbouring romantic feelings for him. Of course, in my teens, I used to have a big crush on him. It’s just that not many people (friends) who are currently in my circle of friends (locally) actually know me that long. I knew him when I was 16. It’s been more than two decades… “quarter of a century”, that’s what he said. Seeing him makes me long for the good old days when everyone (including my parents) were years younger and stronger. Every time we say goodbye, it’s like a part of me gets ripped out.

I can’t really remember how he and I met but it was definitely through my sister. I was usually quiet around him because he was just too good-looking, the first guy I had a crush on (who’s not a celebrity or some actor). Yes, of course he will always be a very dear friend whom I’m reminded of each time I see a plane flying.

I so hate saying ‘goodbyes’ because each time I say it, I don’t know when I’ll see him again. And will miss that feeling of familiarity,… longing for the past when life was not so complex. No bills to pay, no car instalments, no illness etc… when everything was more or less rosy. And though he doesn’t believe in God, I do. So, I still pray that God keeps him and his family safe. I just wish he’s not so far away.

Green-Eyed Monsters and Second Chances

I know who she is, but I don’t know her personally. I remember how I celebrated when she got married. Because that meant that she’s no longer a threat. But lately, it seems like she’s back in the market. No, I don’t have any proof but just an inner feeling tells me that. Suddenly, I feel that green eyed monster coming out from hiding again. Although I know that even if she never existed, I’d still be driving a one-way street when it comes to the heart thing. He would/could never see us as more than friends. I guess accepting that makes it easier to let go and move on. However, the green eyed monster still appears every now and then, although it’s probably a tame green eyed monster. He is still special and close to me although we are so different in so many ways. Yes, I am almost over him. How do I know that? Because after holding a torch for him for so many years, I finally felt that flame dying.

Then I am reminded that God has other plans for me. (Sometimes I wish He will just show me the entire flowchart.) The thing is I’ve kept my heart locked up and handed over the keys to God. It’s been so long and I’ve not felt attracted to anyone for years. (Okay, with the exception to Loki and Legolas,…and occasionally – the Man of Steel). Suddenly, it’s like God opened up the doors and my heart is once again – free. And that’s bad news! I do not want to fall for another frog.

Once again, I want to lock my heart away and perhaps this time, throw away the keys. The right one will be able to find the keys…. if the right one ever existed in the first place. And he will have the best of me.

But…..I’ve seen my ideal guy.