Just Daydreaming

There’s one festivity and two days that I don’t like in every year. Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day and Chinese Valentine’s Day.

Chinese New Year – because there was a time when relatives who visit would keep asking when it would be my turn to get married (as if one is born in life to grow up, work, get married, have children and die). But this is getting better since most of our regular visitors reside in another country.

Valentine’s Day – because I often wonder why there is a need to shower one’s girlfriend/lover/wife with roses/chocolates etc on Valentine’s Day at the office. I guess I’m just the kind of person that feels that my significant other (if there’s ever going to be one) will only need me to know his true feelings; and not my entire office.

Chinese Valentine’s Day – again – perhaps it’s just me. But everything is just so commercialized. So much so that the message I seem to see is “tell them you love them only on Valentine’s Day”.  And so, restaurants and cafes use take the opportunity to hike up the prices for lovebirds etc…

So, remember to treasure your loved ones daily (not only on Valentine’s Day).

If you’re single, go out and celebrate you! You are special and Designer-made. God made only one you and not clones. Celebrate that. If you’re the hopeless romantic, I hope you have the best back hug from the one you love (understand that sometimes it’s one sided, so this can be a miracle or a wishful thought).

And for those whose heart longs for that one person (who doesn’t know he/she exists)…. it’s ok to not feel ok at times and feel sad while you’re waiting. However, go out there and celebrate you. Go out there and eat at a good restaurant, enjoy a good movie or spa… and trust in God that He knows the best.

 

Waiting…and Pressing On…

Waiting …

Still waiting…

Waiting is tiring, and yet He beckons me to wait. Then when I thought I could not go on waiting anymore, and told the Lord that what I’ve been waiting for is getting more and more impossible. Still, He asks me to wait. Yesterday morning, I felt the Lord say the same thing to me and invited me to surrender all that I think is impossible, to Him.

And so, here I am … waiting for the fullness of time. Lord, no more delay!

Luke 1:37 New Living Translation (NLT)

37 For the word of God will never fail.[a]

 

New Things

I was looking through my dream journal and found it quite amazing. I’ve actually had so many pregnancy dreams. (Trust me, I would be the last person who would assist in children’s ministry. So I know the dream isn’t related to children’s ministry nor the biological clock and definitely not the intention to have a real baby.)

Prior to 2009, I had a dream where I saw myself pregnant. In another dream, I saw myself feeling the baby kicking. Again, in March 2009, I dreamed that I had twins.

In January 2014, I had another dream where I saw myself pregnant. Apparently, pregnancy in dreams means the “birthing of something new”. (Check out Doug Addison’s page.)

Once, when my pastor was praying for me, he saw me in a vision, and in that dream I was pregnant. I’ve also seen (in a dream), a human being curled up, in a transluscent chrysalis. This again tells me that something new is coming. (Don’t know what it is.) At the right time, this human being will come out from the chrysalis and like a butterfly, he/she will take flight. (Not literally).

Ecclesiastes 3:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

The Very Long Wait

I do sometimes wonder why I’m so different from my siblings. Why is it that I don’t desire to join in the rat race, trying to climb to the top of an organization – or at least get to a post where I can say “I am a manager”. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I actually want all that for my life because I would be running after that with passion. Instead, the dream buried in my heart has higher chances of failing then actually being fruitful. Yes, I need that “God-factor” ,…the miracle for it to come true.

Why do I like the arts so much when it’s so difficult to “make it” out there? What if – I never make it until I retire…

Getting back in touch with old friends can be a bittersweet experience. On one hand, there’s the joy of getting connected to the past where there’s just so much precious memories. On the other hand, there’s the tiny bit of jealousy that they have attained their success…whatever that may be in their eyes. Some of them have always wanted to be a full time housewife, raising a family…and they’ve achieved it. Some have been outspoken and ambitious since their teens, and they’re now directors, managers etc…and rightly so.

Meanwhile, I wanted to be a famous pianist, famous artist, famous tennis player…(yikes…see that trend)… the word “famous” is there. Of course, you need to be famous, or your artworks don’t sell, or you don’t get invited to perform etc…Of course, none of that materialized.

Today, I want to be a writer – hopefully not a starving writer. Hopefully, … I reach there before retirement. It has been a very long wait…and still waiting.

Like Being In A Cocoon

I had a dream about two weeks ago. I saw a caterpillar chewing away on a leaf. The next scene was a chrysalis (cocoon, or whatever you call it). Then, an image flashes and that was a human being – curled up in a transparent-like cocoon.

For a while, I struggled trying to understand this dream. However, I believe God is telling me that He is changing me. I am like the person in the cocoon/chrysalis. When the time is right, the breakthrough will happen and I will emerge a different person – a stronger person.

The Delay

This morning, I decided to postpone the surgery. The reason being I’ve not given up hoping that God will heal me without surgery. The decision to (or not to) go for surgery wasn’t easy. I had the peace of mind for a while but as the date got closer, I became more and more frighten. I had heard so much bad reports that I ended up feeling very confused towards the later part of this week and I had to try to climb the stairs again and see if there was any improvement. I was surprised that I was able to walk up and down without much pain on the left knee. I’m not sure how that happened. My mind playing tricks? I doubt it. I know God is still working behind the scenes although I’m not sure how he’s working this whole thing out.

Yes, I felt bad for the inconvenience caused but I was afraid of doing something that I could regret later. So, I’ve tried getting the viscosupplement. It was injected into my joint. There were two injections I believe, one for the local anesthetic and the other was the treatment to relieve the symptoms. My prayer is that it would reverse the symptoms and buy me time to strengthen my muscles and hopefully the kneecaps would get to the right location.

Yes, I had prepared everything from getting my car serviced to clearing my work issues but by last night I could not get much sleep. I was having so much problems trying to sleep and to the point that I felt so stressed. It was like there’s something pressing on my chest.

I am still hoping that God would miraculously heal me. That – would be the most amazing testimony for me.

The Long Wait

My next appointment to see my orthopedic won’t be till 30 January.  I found that this afternoon, whenever I’m walking, the moment I lift my leg from the ground, the side of my right kneecap is slightly tender. The fact is this kneecap pain has been troubling me since late November and it got worse. February is coming. I’m almost ready to give up on conservative treatment and go under the knife. This, I’m sure is another kind of pain. Now I just have to endure till 30 January. But which leg should I get treated first? The left or the right?