Tag Archives: Time

Two Months

I had meant to write this a week ago but was tied up with other things, plus still recovering from a cold.

In one of our lunch, someone said something about a colleague of mine whom I hardly deal with but we were in the same team. Not many people knew that she’s battling cancer and her battle is coming to an end ~ unfortunately she’s on the losing side.

So, the question someone said was “What would you do, if you’re told that you have 2 months left to live?” I said I’d do what’s important to me with the time I have left. Someone else said she would spend more time with her family. The other reply was “But you don’t know if your family members will have time. You may be at home while others are working.” That could be true, but I think when that actually happens, the family members will want to spend time at home too.

I’m still finding it hard to believe that she has 2 months left although I’m not that close to her. But the truth is, we all have an expiration date. With each day that goes by, that time gets shorter and shorter.

So, what would you do with your remaining time? Lost time is lost. Forever.

 

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Sandclock

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a sand clock, at a loss not knowing what to do with the personal prophecy given to me so many years ago. How many is many? Close to 20 years?

Of course, back at that moment, it was like a “oh wow” moment because it was like an answer to my prayers and resonated with my heart’s desires. But it’s been close to 20 years.

When do I write it off and just take it that the person who delivered the word might have heard wrongly? What do I do to that personal prophecy because I can’t make it happen. Only God can.

Do I wait till I lay on my death bed and then throw it away? Do I throw it away now? It’s been shelved for so many years.

New Things

I was looking through my dream journal and found it quite amazing. I’ve actually had so many pregnancy dreams. (Trust me, I would be the last person who would assist in children’s ministry. So I know the dream isn’t related to children’s ministry nor the biological clock and definitely not the intention to have a real baby.)

Prior to 2009, I had a dream where I saw myself pregnant. In another dream, I saw myself feeling the baby kicking. Again, in March 2009, I dreamed that I had twins.

In January 2014, I had another dream where I saw myself pregnant. Apparently, pregnancy in dreams means the “birthing of something new”. (Check out Doug Addison’s page.)

Once, when my pastor was praying for me, he saw me in a vision, and in that dream I was pregnant. I’ve also seen (in a dream), a human being curled up, in a transluscent chrysalis. This again tells me that something new is coming. (Don’t know what it is.) At the right time, this human being will come out from the chrysalis and like a butterfly, he/she will take flight. (Not literally).

Ecclesiastes 3:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

Layer By Layer – Moment By Moment

In one of my art lessons, I learned a few techniques, eg. wet on wet, wet on dry, working on layers. There are occasions when you just need to wait it out. Waiting is required in order to achieve the desired effect. Well, I never liked waiting. I still don’t and I doubt anyone does. However sometimes I think God has a sense of humour because the very thing that makes me feel alive, ie. art, requires me to wait most of the time.

Looking back, I think He has been training me on the art of waiting since I was in my early teens. Yes, the long wait for the reply from someone dear to you. Remember looking at the mailbox when the postman would just ride by. Then, the wait for the exam results. I recall one summer, when I was back in Penang, waiting for my exam results to be mailed over from Waterloo, I became really agitated but I believe the Lord gave me a dream whereby I saw in the middle of a highway, there was a big road sign with two words – big and bold. “TRUST ME”.

Of course, one of the hardest waiting time is waiting to get recover fully, in which I’m still waiting but God is good. He shows Himself faithful by the little positive healing signs, although it did take time. I recall my visit to the chiropractor. I almost choked when he said, “You need patience!” I had to wonder if that God was using him to say something to me and my rebellious heart was saying “But I didn’t ask for patience, Lord!”

Since I’m still in this waiting room, I now believe that whatever He has in store for me to do in the future must require a lot of patience if I need that much preparation. One has to wonder what it is…and “I shall not be moved.

Psalm 62:1-2

Truly my soul silently waits for God;
From Him comes my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved.

 

Life’s Not Ordinary After All

I am often tempted to see my life as ordinary but when I recall some moments of my life, I realize that it has never been ordinary. In fact, I think it’s quite extraordinary after all.

Imagine being 12 years old and going on a wild goose chase to try and contact someone you admire. I guess this would be quite equivalent to one of my nieces trying to contact Justin Bieber. Then the sudden elation when the reply from Sergei comes, after close to one year. (Sergei is not his real name. Just for ease of writing, I’ll refer to him as Sergei.)

I guess only someone nutty like me would try to move heaven and earth to get to see Sergei’s performance. Bear in mind that I was still in my early teens then. Sergei was already a legend, performing in  various countries around the world back then. However, I became frustrated because as usual, we seemed to miss out on all the fine musicians. eg. I don’t think the late Arthur Rubinstein ever performed in Asia. I came close to actually seeing my dreams come true and even received a reply from the city mayor who informed me that if the concert materialized, he would invite me to the performance. (Sadly, the concert never happened.)

However, Sergei’s manager told me that my sister could attend his concert. She was studying overseas and received a complimentary ticket for his performance. What I would have done to switch places with her.

My communication with Sergei and his family continued throughout the years and finally east met west at a neighbouring island where he performed in a recital. That was 5 years after I started writing to Sergei. Imagine having so much to say and ask over the years, and yet – when I was finally at the backstage, somehow, those words failed to come out. It was a dream come true.

I kept in touch with Sergei and his family. Letters became fewer when I went abroad for my tertiary education. I remember receiving a video cassette so I could see his recorded performances. I’ve also received cassettes since I couldn’t find them in any of the local stores. (Today,.. thank God for iTunes.)

Today, after 15 years, I still keep in touch with them. I still read the latest reviews etc…

So, why am I so excited for my travel next year? Well, …east will meet west again. It’s another long wait but it will be worth it.

 

Back To The Basics

I’ve come to realize that these words are somehow interrelated, faith, wait, trust, patience and time. While you wait, you need a lot of patience because the waiting time could drag and time will stretch your faith to a point that you just have to make a choice to trust. It’s a choice because banking on something you do not presently see.

I’m the kind of person who likes to be informed of the existing situation so that I would know how to plan ahead. Naturally, this situation that I’m in has put many things on hold. I’m fortunate that I didn’t go ahead and plan the holiday to Sarawak because then I’d have even more problems with my legs.

I also like reading up about the condition that I have so that I am informed and aware but it seems like the more I read it, the more I fear and worry. While I know most of my friends have well intentions, it gets me stressed when they ask when I can recover. I feel pressured, like I need to get well by a certain period, else, it’s a very bad sign.

Then I was reminded of something yesterday, the promised land. I felt like the Lord was asking me if I will stop reading the medical reports and read His promises instead.

I had a dream a few weeks ago whereby I saw someone whom I called “father” with me. We were at a place which is rather spacious and it somehow reminded me of a racetrack because of the immense space. I don’t remember there being tracks but I remember what was being said, or asked. “Are you ready?”

Perhaps this whole episode is to get me ready for something in the future, according to His plan.

Time

Too much of it and we’ll have an idle mind. Too little of it stresses us out. Ah! Time,…you are indeed elusive for those who are always hurrying. But to me, time seems to stand still as I continue to wait on God to heal me. I have to say though, that all this extra time makes me think a lot.

I did drop by at the office for the gift exchange session a week ago. I had to park so far away from the entrance because most of the closer lots were taken. So, I walked slowly to the entrance and had to walk for 5 more minutes to get to the cafetaria. It made me wonder – why do they have special parking lots for those who are pregnant, and no special lots for those who are injured and have difficulty walking. In fact, even sales folks have special lots. Why do they need it? Is it because they get in at odd hours at times? Still – .. they can still walk well even if they parked far away. Oh…and managers…. they get even better parking places.