Just because I feel like this today…
“Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am”

Direct Access

I had a dream a few days ago. In that dream, I saw a group of people walking towards a big building, which resembled a recreation club, only many many times bigger. I too, was walking there. The difference is I wasn’t walking with that group.

When we arrived, I noticed that someone who represented the group rang on the doorbell. The door didn’t open but there was a voice. They were asked many questions, including what they were doing there, why they wanted to go there etc…It took a while before they were allowed in. When it was my turn, I rang the doorbell and I expected the same voice to greet me but that didn’t happen. I immediately saw a popup menu on the door. The word that caught my attention was “PRINCE”. I spent a few days wondering what it could mean. Today, I think I finally caught the message.

Ephesians 2:17-19 New Life Version (NLV)

17 Then Christ came and preached the Good News of peace to you who were far away from God. And He preached it to us who were near God. 18 Now all of us can go to the Father through Christ by way of the one Holy Spirit. 19 From now on you are not strangers and people who are not citizens. You are citizens together with those who belong to God. You belong in God’s family.

What would you do, if you had direct access to the Prince of Peace? What if you are given an hour with the One who flung the stars into space and called forth galaxies into existence? I asked myself those questions and many more. Then I felt guilty because I have at times taken it for granted. 

It does make me want to draw closer to God and tell Him everything that troubles me, knowing that it’s such a privilege to do so. 

The Love of a King

If there’s one Chinese drama that really moved my heart, it had to be “The Imperial Doctress”. While I know that the story isn’t reflective of actual history, I applaud the writer for making the characters so real; and of course the actors and actresses for bringing the characters to ‘live’. It’s so real that my heart aches for the characters and I found myself (along with others), discussing in the forum…wondering if Yun Xian did love the emperor Qi Zhen.

It is the story of a famous female medical doctor Tan Yun Xian (from the Ming dynasty). It’s nice to see a female lead who has dreams and not another typical female lead without dreams and ambitions. The two male leads are (prince) Qi Yu and emperor Qi Zhen (Zheng Qi). Although Qi Yu was the first to meet Yun Xian, I think it was Qi Zhen who really knew Yun Xian. It’s nice to see them bickering in the earlier part of the series. She didn’t know she was with the emperor. It’s easy to understand why the emperor would fall for her. She’s a very likable character and very kind too.

It’s also very obvious how much the emperor loved her although he accepted that she was in love with his younger brother (from a different mother). No matter what happened, he was almost always there for her. When she got into trouble, he would be the one defending her.

There were several scenes that I liked. Imagine having that much favour from the emperor. He reminded her that when they’re together, he’s Zheng Qi and not the emperor. In many ways, he was her confidant. Wallace Huo carried that role very well. I almost feel that ache because of the unrequited love. One of my favourite scenes was when both of them played in the snow and she accompanied him watching the fireworks.

Although Yun Xian promised the empress that she would never have feelings for Zheng Qi, I think those feelings grew during that period when they were captured by Esen’s troops. I believe by the time she realizes her own heart, it was too late in the sense that she’s bound to that promise.

Many times when I am watching the series, I feel like slapping that character because (I think) she fell in love with the wrong man. Qi Zhen’s love for her was unconditional he was always so supportive of her. Meanwhile, her beloved Qi Yu just became darker and darker in the later episodes.

So, in one of the mornings after a marathon session (watching a few episodes of the series), I thought to myself… imagine having the unconditional love of a king…. imagine if the someone who loves you is the king. The same king who protects you even without you knowing it and even at times when you feel you don’t need protection.

Then I had an epiphany, that love was reminding me of God’s love and His sacrifice. Yes, it is a good Friday!

Revelation 19:14-16 New Living Translation (NLT)

14 The armies of heaven, dressed in the finest of pure white linen, followed him on white horses. 15 From his mouth came a sharp sword to strike down the nations. He will rule them with an iron rod. He will release the fierce wrath of God, the Almighty, like juice flowing from a winepress. 16 On his robe at his thigh[a] was written this title: King of all kings and Lord of all lords.


Are You Ready?

I headed out early this morning although church service was at 10am. I wanted to visit a dear friend who has already left this world. I felt mixed emotions while driving to the Western Road cemetery. Initially, I was a little nervous since I had not been to a cemetery before, except the old cemetery near Farquhar Street. Anyway, that was for a photography project so it’s not counted and I did not go there alone. This morning was different.

When I did get there, I saw many people. It was very likely because of All Souls’ Day. It felt somewhat strange that I was going there to see a friend. I was a little nervous coming out from my car. Not because it was a cemetery, but that same feeling I felt when I attended his wake service about 2 months ago. It wasn’t that difficult to locate the place.

Although I had brought a plastic carnation, I found that there was no special holder beside the niche and wasn’t sure if I would be allowed to use a tape to stick the flower on his niche. I stood there for a while, looking at his photo. Then I heard the sound of a kingfisher nearby. How fitting, I thought. He would have loved that spot that was quite close to the river too.

When I walked away to leave, I observed the surrounding area with the graves of departed souls. I never thought I would say this but I actually found that area very peaceful.

With the remaining years I have (of my life), I hope to live in such a way that when it’s my turn to go home, I would be ready. Somehow the longer I live, the more I want to know about my eternal home and the more I long for the day when I can see my Saviour face to face.

Matthew 6: 19 – 21 (NIV) 19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.