If there’s one word I can use to describe what I’m feeling this moment,…”Alive” would be it. It’s been a long time since I have this kind of feeling. Doing art again makes me feel so alive. Like I can’t wait to wake up from my sleep cos I want to keep drawing…
There’s just one problem, I have to go to the office first.
For the rest of my life I will remember today as the day my heart was broken into a million pieces. Only the people closest are able to say words that pierce right into one’s heart.
I can’t believe I had to defend my artwork. Never mind the fact that it took me weeks to finish that piece and a lot of inspiration to bring it out from my heart, and on to the canvas; and the passion burning in my heart when I was working on that piece. I can’t believe they refused to accept the truth that the picture I painted is a church in Santorini. They insist that it’s a grave. Just because they think it looks like a grave, it is a grave? Hello? What about the role of the artist as the creator? How can they tell the ‘creator’ that her creation is what they perceive it to be… Especially when it’s been created as a church.
I don’t care if they hate that artwork or if they tell me it looks ugly but I’m very heartbroken to have to defend my creation…that it is what I created it to be.
I was going to participate in this year’s exhibition but I don’t think I have the mood to do another piece. Who knows, they may insist that a golden brownish flower is dead leaf.
Does it mean that it was never my true passion if I’m no longer willing to keep doing it without getting return of interest ($$$)? It’s like vicious circle, using the money from the routine 8am-5pm job, to pay for what you hope to be doing…and still not getting returns. But that’s the thing without the $$$, how is it possible to purely focus on the passion especially with bills, loans etc to pay. It’s not like I have a trust fund that I can fall back on when things fail. Then after a while, it gets really tiring. Perhaps coming exhibition is my last? After all,… I have one canvas left. I definitely salute those who have succeeded in their lifetime.
If you’ve not been to any of the Ted/TedX conferences, I would really recommend it. I attended the TedX session in Penang last year, and this year too. Last year, someone I know was presenting and I was there to give support and found myself learning from other presenters, and catching their passion.
This year’s talk in Penang was held at E&O hotel. In fact, I was just there this afternoon and I wanted to write about my experience. Once again, one of the presenters happened to be someone I know. It’s been a while since I last met him and had a great time listening to him singing the songs he wrote. Daniel’s talent has grown and I’m looking forward to getting his album. It’s nice to see that he’s the humble person I met at church.
Another presenter whom I was impressed with was Davina Goh. Wow! To sign up for training at Maling Shaolin Kung Fu Academy…. I’ll say it again. Wow! Tahan Lasak!! Reminds me of the time when I signed up for personal training at the gym. I recall today that I was in pain, almost every day.
Then, there was Jason Godfrey. What he shared about touched me to the very core because I feel it… the routine job that almost drives me crazy because it’s so routine and yet, that’s what makes the buck and of course,…one needs to pay bills. That boredom is what drives me to chase after my dream and I know how impossible things may be right now. However, this time, I would not let the naysayers get to me.
In fact, I think what he shared was like a kick in the butt for me. Yes, never lose sight of that dream and never lose that passion. But at the same time, start doing it fearlessly. Stop all the negative talk and walk in faith! Seize the day!
I think the image below speaks what I had planned to write. I’ve decided to allow that dream to die. It has become emotionally draining to continue grabbing on to the hope that I’ll make it some day. I’ve decided to stop painting and drawing. Some people do make it big as famous artists, and some don’t. It’s time to bury that dream. If it’s meant to live, God will resurrect it.
I wasn’t sure that to expect when I paid for the ticket to attend the TEDx event held at Whiteaways Arcade yesterday. When I learned about the event, I wanted to hear what someone I know has to say. It’s always very inspiring to listen to people whose dreams have come true. What can I say?
I came out feeling very inspired. It may take a lot of work but it’s worth it. They’re living testimonies. If I’m not mistaken, one of the speakers mentioned that in the pursuit of your dream, you would see aspects of yourself that you didn’t know existed in the first place. (And some of those aspects are not pleasant.)
The most inspiring thing is that they’re just normal people like you and me. One of them didn’t do well in school. He mentioned that he’s never passed any of the Math test. Yet look at him today… Standing in front giving a talk about his life and how he achieved his dream. (And there were people lining up to get his autograph…) So you just really never know, do you?
Failures you face today may be the road that takes you to your destiny. They may very well be what you need in order to make you the person you ought to be to hold and carry that dream to fruition. Makes sense?
I have been busy plotting away for my novel. When I shared the plot with one of my friends, (…just a morsel…) she said, “He’s going to die. Why? I’m not going to read anymore.” Then I thought to myself, “I’m not done yet.” I know what will happen to conclude that novel but she doesn’t.
Isn’t it the same in life? Let God write your story. What you see today is not the end. He’s not done with you yet. Hope this inspires you as what I heard yesterday inspires me.
The Message (MSG)
26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
Have you ever had one of those moments when almost everything you see inspires you? The word “everything” here means trees, the sun, the mountains, rivers, the sky, clouds, flowers, fruits etc… (pretty much nature in general). I think I’m in that mode where I just feel like painting everything. I came close to buying another set of poster colour paint just because I want to do more artworks and I can’t be keeping too many canvas boards at home. If I have a portable easel, I may try doing my art work en plein air.