Just Daydreaming

There’s one festivity and two days that I don’t like in every year. Chinese New Year, Valentine’s Day and Chinese Valentine’s Day.

Chinese New Year – because there was a time when relatives who visit would keep asking when it would be my turn to get married (as if one is born in life to grow up, work, get married, have children and die). But this is getting better since most of our regular visitors reside in another country.

Valentine’s Day – because I often wonder why there is a need to shower one’s girlfriend/lover/wife with roses/chocolates etc on Valentine’s Day at the office. I guess I’m just the kind of person that feels that my significant other (if there’s ever going to be one) will only need me to know his true feelings; and not my entire office.

Chinese Valentine’s Day – again – perhaps it’s just me. But everything is just so commercialized. So much so that the message I seem to see is “tell them you love them only on Valentine’s Day”.  And so, restaurants and cafes use take the opportunity to hike up the prices for lovebirds etc…

So, remember to treasure your loved ones daily (not only on Valentine’s Day).

If you’re single, go out and celebrate you! You are special and Designer-made. God made only one you and not clones. Celebrate that. If you’re the hopeless romantic, I hope you have the best back hug from the one you love (understand that sometimes it’s one sided, so this can be a miracle or a wishful thought).

And for those whose heart longs for that one person (who doesn’t know he/she exists)…. it’s ok to not feel ok at times and feel sad while you’re waiting. However, go out there and celebrate you. Go out there and eat at a good restaurant, enjoy a good movie or spa… and trust in God that He knows the best.

 

Praying When One Can’t Say Anything

I met up with an old friend to catch up. I’m glad to hear that she will be getting married in the near future, although it means that she will be leaving the country. Yup! It’s like losing another friend.

Although it’s nice to know that someone loves you and is willing to grow old with you, I think I might end up taking the frying pan and whack the face of a guy who tells me what to wear, what not to wear etc…

I do not know him and I can’t judge. Although there’s a “check” in my heart that wonders if she’s doing the right thing. But, I can’t say anything and I don’t want to say anything. I will just pray for her. That all goes well.

The Many Frogs

I guess I couldn’t help it. I had to put this video up because I love that version of Pride & Prejudice and I’m another fan of Mr. Darcy.

Something that happened this morning totally had me scared, and if there’s one moment in my life when I wish that I’m not single, it would have been this morning. I know that my parents are getting old and what happened this morning showed me that although I have a strong as iron front, I fall apart quite easily too.  I know that someday in the future, I will have to be strong as there will be a lot to do and oversee. I suppose when the going gets tough, the tough does get going,… but it’d be nice to have that extra emotional support and that rock to lean on when my own walls fall apart. But I trust God that He knows what is best for me.

Today, when I think about what could’ve been, and all the frogs that I’ve adored, I’m still relieved that nothing happened, and God was helping me protect my heart. (If you’re wondering why I call them frogs, it’s because they never became a prince.)

I still believe that the best is yet to come. The right one will become a prince.

Song of Solomon 2:7 The Message (MSG)

Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
    by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
    until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.

Recalling The Past

Still in the musical fever, here it is – one of my favourite pieces from Les Miserables. Why I like that song? I guess it reminds me of my one-sided love(s).

The most painful part is the ending… “I love him. I love him. I love him. But only on my own.”

A Million Pieces

For the rest of my life I will remember today as the day my heart was broken into a million pieces. Only the people closest are able to say words that pierce right into one’s heart. 

I can’t believe I had to defend my artwork. Never mind the fact that it took me weeks to finish that piece and a lot of inspiration to bring it out from my heart, and on to the canvas; and the passion burning in my heart when I was working on that piece. I can’t believe they refused to accept the truth that the picture I painted is a church in Santorini. They insist that it’s a grave. Just because they think it looks like a grave, it is a grave? Hello? What about the role of the artist as the creator? How can they tell the ‘creator’ that her creation is what they perceive it to be… Especially when it’s been created as a church. 

I don’t care if they hate that artwork or if they tell me it looks ugly but I’m very heartbroken to have to defend my creation…that it is what I created it to be. 

I was going to participate in this year’s exhibition but I don’t think I have the mood to do another piece. Who knows, they may insist that a golden brownish flower is dead leaf. 

Faith and Believing

I shall start by quoting this verse from the Bible which came to mind when I was meditating.

Psalm 16:8-11King James Version (KJV)

I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.

10 For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

I love the month of December because it means holidays are coming and I will have approximately 1 week to do what I would rather be doing on weekdays 8am – 5pm. I also love December because it’s Starbucks Toffee Nut Latte season. What I don’t like about December is the fact that the new year is approaching, which also means that the Chinese New Year is approaching. It used to mean more to me back in the days when my sisters were not married and it was like “Thanksgiving” or Christmas holidays when we have family reunions. However, things have been different for years. It’s more like a season when some cousins come and stay over because they would be doing the Chinese New Year visitations at a rural district and prefer to stay somewhere urban, and free of charge. Every year it’s the same, which means receiving the red packets (lucky money).  (Only singles receive this from the married adults.) So, there’s a certain stigma to it when older (married) relatives keep giving you “lucky money” even after you’ve hit the 30s..or 40s…and single. (At least, that’s how I witness.) Frequently asked questions are, “Do you have a boyfriend yet? Have you met someone? Are you dating? Why are you not dating? Isn’t there anyone in your workplace?” Of course as you grow older, the questions decrease but the money keeps coming. Relatives will talk to your father to find out about your marital status and if he needs help in getting that changed from “single” to “married”.

My sister and my brother-in-law once tried to set me up with one of his friends. I knew something was strange when she kept saying things on his favour and my heart said “uh oh” silently. Lunch was incredibly boring and I spent most of the time playing games on my iPhone because all the men could talk about was how the economy was doing and business etc… (Yawn…) I confronted her later that day and warned her never ever try that again.

When I was in my 20s, it felt like I was going to die, if my friends got married and I remained single. But hey, you don’t get married for the sake of getting married. My motto when I told my friends was “If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.” But that doesn’t take away the pressure from society. Of course, along the way, God helps you pick up the pieces of your broken heart when the one you adore doesn’t feel the same towards you; or… when someone you adore leaves for another country and gets married. It happens. Meanwhile, you get attention from people whom you feel zero chemistry with. This happens too.

Sometimes people around tend to make you feel that you’re incomplete without a spouse. Unfortunately this also happens in the household of faith. To me, life isn’t about a race to get married and have children. I am already complete, when Jesus came into my life. As for the rest of my years – however few or many that I will have, I hope to live life pursuing what He put me here to do…single, or married.

To those who keep saying that marriage and children will ensure that there will be at least someone to take care of you when you’re old, I say that it’s not necessarily true. Children when they grow up, may leave the country to work elsewhere. As for me, I know that only the LORD is with me all the time. And He will look after me when I grow old. My faith is in Him and Him alone, not in pension funds for provision etc… but God will provide for my every need.

“Valentino” Got Lost

Visited Uniqlo yesterday when I was shopping for some clothes to wear when I visit South Korea. I’ve already given away all my Winter clothing when I left Canada. I wish Uniqlo has more sizes available. There was so much work yesterday that everything went by super fast. Many of the girls did not have the mood to work… (Gee! I wonder why…)

I’ve moved back to my room upstairs after sleeping downstairs for 2 years since my knee injury. I won’t say that I’ve fully recovered but somewhat well enough to climb the stairs although you won’t see me hiking up the hill at anytime. It’s a balance between needing the exercise to strengthen the knees without overworking and causing more pain. Suddenly I have so many books accumulated during my stay downstairs that I’ll need to give them away.

Yesterday evening while chatting with my friend, she asked me a funny question. “Where is your Valentino?” Well, as you know that Valentine’s day falls on Feb 14 and yesterday was also Chap Goh Meh, ie. the Chinese Valentine’s Day. I’ve not thought about that question since…. I can’t remember when. (So, it must be years ago.) In the end I told her that God gave “Valentino” my GPS location but he lost it. I told her I’d rather read a good book and get some sleep instead of throwing oranges in the sea. Then of course, I get the “at the right time, he will come” statement. Again, I’ve not heard that for a long long time. So, it felt odd hearing it. My response?… Maybe he’s not meant to come. Unlike a few others that I know, I’m not going to be like one of those female characters in the Harlequin romance. I want to leave a legacy where even after I’m gone, my dream lives on…

So, perhaps I have a huge task that I need to do while I’m here on earth that requires time and focus. Who knows… Carpe Diem!