The Test

I suppose it should be no secret that we still get tested, or allowed to be tested. I may be in a season of testing. You know the feeling when something inside you tells you that a few people whom you know could be heading towards promotion. Oh, those mixed feelings. Yes, I honestly don’t mind the extra income which comes with the promotion but I’ve never been a rat-race runner. I’m not a person hungry for power, and looking back, if I had not gone to Waterloo for Mathematics (or Computer Science..originally), I would’ve stayed back and taken up music. I probably would be a music teacher and might have been contented that way. But it didn’t happen that way, so, I am still heavily slanted towards music, art and writing. I felt as though I had this question thrown at me which I needed to answer honestly. “How do you feel if they got promoted and you didn’t?” – For a while, I have to say there’s a slight jealousy in my heart. But it’s not because of the role that could be higher than mine. Instead it’s because of the current outlook of the economy, the poor job market etc…which means I still struggle in believing that will take care of me. I was reminded of my experience in KL, where God provided me a banana (through a stranger) and how that showed just how real He is, and that He knows what I need before I even say it. I need to consciously remind myself that God can be trusted. He will be my supply.

Philippians 4:19 King James Version (KJV)

19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

My other weakness is the constant longing to be appreciated. I am reminded that even when others may not see or appreciate what I do, God sees. Only He can make my life whole.

Matthew 6:33 Amplified Bible (AMP)

33 But seek ([a]aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ([b]His way of doing and being right), and then all these things [c]taken together will be given you besides.

The Act of Simplifying Life As Part of Worship

I wanted to finish writing this while the inspiration is fresh in my mind. After all, I’m returning to the battlefield at the workplace tomorrow and I might not have the mood or motivation to write come tomorrow.

Philippians 4:8 Good News Translation (GNT)

In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.

Ever since I returned from the Revival Conference, the part of me that I thought had died, became alive again. I also found myself pruning away certain areas of my life. The best example would be spending less time watching dramas. I’m sure my friends would find it unbelievable but I lost that desire to follow the series. I no longer had to know what happened to my favourite characters in the drama. Instead, I seem to be spending more time fiddling playing my guitar, learning the ukulele, and singing new songs. I’ve been writing tunes lately and I’ve also come to realize that it’s not so hard to get new melodies but I am just not an arranger. I don’t even have a proper keyboard to work with so I spend my time juggling with the following apps/softwares…. Symphony Pro, MuseScore 2.02, Finale Songwriter 2007, Garageband. I’m so thankful I took up the music course at UW. That’s how I learned the very basic of writing melodies, and transcribing them.

Without any hard effort, I’ve managed to simplify my life so that I can spend more time doing what I believe God wants me to do, and in the course of it, hone my skills too.

This morning, after the service at church, I spoke to one of my closest friends at church and told him I’d need his help in coming up with the right guitar arrangements for some of the tunes that I write/am writing. I’m so happy that he agreed to do it.

Like I said before, I’ve already decided that even if I don’t get the appreciation from man, I can feel Him smile when He sees me using the gifts He gave me.

The song that accompanies this post never fails to touch my heart. If it’s your first time listening to it, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I’m very inspired by this songwriter and hope that someday, I’ll be able to glean from him.

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No Regrets

My heart grieves because as much as I want to share (with an old friend) how real the Lord is, in my life,…I am unable to do so as his heart is already hardened. Looking back, he was there on the day of my baptism. I still wonder what happened that caused his heart to drift so far from the Lord. I wish I knew what to say to him. Sometimes I think he’s looking for proof that God exists. However, if God heals a person before his very eyes, (like seeing the lame walk, and other creative miracles)  I still think it would never be enough for him. The problem is he will only accept God in his own terms. Is that the rebellious spirit?

Yes I’ve heard it so many times before – how people doubt the existence of God because they say that if God exists, He would not have allowed certain things to happen, He would’ve prevented this accident etc… Acknowledging that God exists means that one’s life needs to change, and it involves submission and dying to self. He is not a genie in a bottle. And we will all have questions and we will not know it all. Yet, considering all that,.. I have never regretted following Jesus.

In the world, you normally don’t believe something unless you see it. When it comes to our walk with the Lord, you believe,… and then you see.

“Trust Me”

I was cleaning my room and found something I wrote many years ago. Well, I think I wrote it because I don’t see any other writer’s name that I quoted and couldn’t find it in Google. Never thought it would minister to me at such a time as this.

I sat in my room, lonely and afraid

I see dark clouds ahead of me, my future, unknown

I cried out to God, “What is happening?”

There was only silence

Then I cried again, “LORD, why me?”

Suddenly a voice in my head said, “Why not you?”

I could complain but He calmed me down.

I wanted to question Him,

but He said “Trust Me”

“I’m scared,” I said.

“I know. Just trust Me”

“…” Before I asked, He answered,..

“Because I love you.” God said.

Trust needs to go beyond lip service.

Niagara – Looking Back

It’s been many years since I left Canada. Although there are many places that I’ve visited that I long to re-visit, there’s one place that remains in my heart. Niagara Falls.

I was a young Christian then and I recall standing by the edge looking at the horseshoe falls and just feeling absolutely amazed. No words could describe that feeling. Standing next to it and hearing the thunderous sound of the falls, feeling the mist on my skin. Seeing how big it is and feeling so small so suddenly. Today, I can only imagine how it must have been like when God spoke the world into existence. Imagine darkness and how the light broke forth at just a command.

Genesis 1:3-4

King James Version (KJV)

3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

 I honestly find it more difficult to believe that such beauty could suddenly exist overtime. Nothing anyone can say would convince me that there is a Creator and that Creator is God.

Then today as I look back and replay the sound of the falls in my mind, I can echo Chris Tomlin’s song, “How Great Is Our God”.

The “Magic Chair”

I had a very strange dream a few weeks ago. In the dream, I saw a grand looking chair but it wasn’t just any chair. Somehow, it converts itself to whatever I need. When I wanted to get from one place to another, I saw myself sitting down on the chair and it moved to my destination. When I was tired, it became my resting place etc… I spent sometime thinking about that dream and seeking God for revelation.

To me, a chair is somewhere I can sit and rest when I’m tired. I suppose if the chair is big enough, I could also hide from people I prefer not to see, or hide from those who always give me a hard time… something like security albeit hiding from people doesn’t always work all the time. Then a thought struck me : when I’ve had a hard day at work, all I want to do is sit down and do nothing and practically laze around.  I’ve never once wondered if the chair would hold my weight. I hardly inspect the chair before sitting down. I don’t think people do that. So, the question is why do people find it easy to believe in the chair’s goodness (ie. stability and endurance) but find it difficult to believe in the goodness of God? Yes, I have my own share of struggles. But the LORD has ways to reassure me.

Since it’s the last day of 2013, I decided to send this package to God. The contents include my concerns on the changes in the company reorganizing structures, the possibility of having a different manager, my concerns for my own health (my knees)…etc
Do you have such a package? It’s time to rest on Him.

Psalm 46:1

King James Version (KJV)

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 116:7

New International Version (NIV)

7 Return to your rest, my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.

Slow Down

I thought I’d  write a short update on my knee(s) in this post. If you’ve just recently followed my blog, you’ll need to go back to my posts back about 2 years ago if you need the details. Or, I’ll just give you a short background. I injured my knees about 2 years ago when I was training for marathon. I came close to going for an operation but somehow at the last minute, I couldn’t do it. I’ve been going for treatment at my friend’s brother-in-law’s clinic. He’s a chiropractor. Healing has been good. The problem is I took off my knee braces a little too soon when my left knees haven’t regained strength so it’s getting a little painful again. And my weight has increased because I can’t do any cardio workout. So, that puts additional stress on my knees.

So, I went to the clinic this evening. I was told that I’m walking too fast. I guess it’s time to slow down. Stop rushing for everything. (Now I wish that’s the same motto at the workplace.)

When I was still studying in the local college, my sister used to tease me whenever she keeps having to stop at the traffic lights when I’m in the car. She’d say, “is it red underwear?” Obviously when I face the same situation this day, I can’t turn to her and ask her the same thing. Although I remember getting very frustrated whenever I’m stopped by the red lights.

I suppose God is also asking me to slow down…and rest. I must learn to slow down and rest in Him.

Psalm 62:5-8

New Life Version (NLV)

5 My soul is quiet and waits for God alone. My hope comes from Him. 6 He alone is my rock and the One Who saves me. He is my strong place. I will not be shaken. 7 My being safe and my honor rest with God. My safe place is in God, the rock of my strength. 8 Trust in Him at all times, O people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a safe place for us.