A Time To Wake Up

As I sit here looking at a successful cartoonist and his fans, I suddenly feel the nudge to wake up from this slumber. It’s not that I’ve not been pursuing my own dreams but perhaps, I’ve been somewhat lazy and lost in the middle of the different TV series that I’ve been following. Note to self, cut down on dramas! Write more. Read more. Paint more!!! Again…cut down on dramas! There is already too many dramas happening in reality.

Anyway, It’s amazing that God has His ways in waking me up, not from my dreams, but to run harder. Somehow He enables me to meet people who will inspire me…at just the right time when I need the inspiration.

Chasing dreams = hard work + perseverance + discipline + sacrifice

Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean that those dreams will come true; but if you don’t chase after your dream, nobody will hand it over to you on a silver platter. You need to chase your own dreams.

Habakkuk 2:2 Then the LORD said to me, “Write my answer plainly on tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others. (NLT)

 

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Hold The Dream

I’ve had dreams whereby I saw myself pregnant. Of course, all this is symbolic since I’m probably born without maternal instinct. (Grin) I don’t have a tendency to go all gooey when I see little children and babies. I know many of my friends (women) who are married just melt when they see babies. I think I’ll melt when I see dogs and puppies.

I was told that seeing pregnancy in dreams could mean that one is pregnant with a dream/ministry ; and that in the right time, the baby (the dream) will emerge. So, what I must be going through must be what’s equivalent to “birth pangs”; or when the baby is getting too heavy that you just want to give birth to that dream so that it will no longer be a burden. (When I say “burden”, it’s more like that feeling when you know that something is meant to happen but you still hold it in, fearing failure.) But you know that labour has begun. Perhaps that’s the season I’m in… Labour because giving birth to that dream will take work.

Once again, I feel that old dream (slightly modified) come alive, and I’m not sure I can put it away again. Maybe because it’s about time. I’m still praying for clear direction and guidance from God.

Off topic, I think the flame in that torch I’ve been holding has finally died today. Time to put the torch away too.

Forgetting What Lies Behind…

Philippians 3:13 Amplified Bible (AMP)

13 [a]Brothers and sisters, I do not consider that I have made it my own yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,

I had the a very difficult time at the office. It wasn’t because I had so many issues to handle but because I was so distracted. I kept thinking of the keyboard and the Wacom Bamboo pen tablet, and the new Macbook Pro which I will be buying (just a matter of time, as this 5 – 6 year old Mac that I’m using is slowing down…). It’s always a want vs need.

When I became a follower of Christ, I had said that I will return to God whatever gifts and talents I have. So, I’ve had the opportunity to play the piano at the chapel even without a solid background in music theory (truly by the grace of God). I was able to read and play with no difficulty. After taking a few music courses in the university, I learned to write music. Finally, when I returned to Malaysia – I took up art again, after so many years, leaving the world of colours and brushes. Then I started writing… again. Somehow yesterday I was feeling like a Jill of all trades – master of none. I even thought about learning music but was afraid of being the oldest in the class.

Suddenly that thought came to mind again, do something that’s a combination of the 2 (or 3). Someone once asked me to draw illustrations for children’s story books but I rejected that because I knew it wasn’t something I could do, and I didn’t have the peace in my heart. So, perhaps I should be writing the devotional accompanied by my own illustrations. (Design my own cover, etc…) As for the music,….? I guess it will come. Later.

Meanwhile, …. still pondering about the tablet and the keyboard. Perhaps the tablet should come first.

What Are You Dwelling On?

I know I have a call in writing. I just don’t know if I’m supposed to write stories, letters, essays, or poetry. As a child, I wrote a lot and I had imaginary friends. Even my small pillows had names and I could easily make up a story about the pillows. My relatives and friends have given me pens as gifts. I had actually forgotten about that but memories came back when my pastor (one day) prophesied that God would use me in my writing. That was when bits and pieces of the past somehow fall into place.  So, I’ve been seeking the Lord to get a direction on what I’m supposed to write although I’m eager to write fiction or just about anything that I’m inspired to write. Honestly, I’ve spent so much time thinking about writing, making plans on writing a book but never actually writing. It’s time to stop dwelling on those thoughts and start writing.

This morning, the devotion that I read led me to Ephesians 4:29. (Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.) I think I’ve finally heard from God what He wants me to write. I should write words that build people according to their needs and words that minister His grace to them. Whether I write letters, poetry, short stories or even books, I will write to (οἰκοδομὴν) encourage and build.

Romans 14:19 King James Version (KJV)

19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.

Ephesians 5:4 King James Version (KJV)

Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

Slave to Possessions

I’ve been enjoying the long break away from work so much that I find that I didn’t miss it at all. I’ve never felt the desire to connect to the office network and download my emails, at least not until today and it wasn’t because of desire but I can’t shirk my responsibility.

What I have observed is my passion to write is still there, even when I am not writing. What I need is an open door and inspiration from God to write something that will be my big break.

So much has happened the past year that has prompted me to look for a small property, to prepare for my future. Yes, so much to think about…the funds for the property, the funds to allocate in case of medical emergency (parents), cost of living that’s rising (and thank God for the drop in fuel price lately). Still, I’ve not found any property that I like which I can afford and I don’t see the point of being a slave to the property. Somehow, I don’t have the peace in buying any property at the moment. I’m not sure how to describe that feeling but it’s like a check in my heart that says, “no”.

I’ve also been wrestling so hard, wondering where my path leads. As always, I wish that God would show me a flowchart of my life so that I can see where various decisions would take me. I also know that if I had bought a property last year, I would be trapped and I won’t be able to leave a job that brings no fulfilment to me; and try something else that may bring me more fulfilment but at the same time, might be a drop in income.

Jeremiah 29:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

The human side of me thinks I’m crazy to keep hanging on to that hope that God will open the door for me to what I’ve been wired to do. You see, I believe that if I’m already doing what I’m meant to do in this life,… there would be joy and fulfilment. I’m surprised that I’m still sane thus far. But oh, this wait is taking sooooo long.

Still, I know His plans are for good. Lord, please grant me favour, wisdom and peace at the workplace; and while You’re doing that, Lord keep me sane.

The Very Long Wait

I do sometimes wonder why I’m so different from my siblings. Why is it that I don’t desire to join in the rat race, trying to climb to the top of an organization – or at least get to a post where I can say “I am a manager”. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I actually want all that for my life because I would be running after that with passion. Instead, the dream buried in my heart has higher chances of failing then actually being fruitful. Yes, I need that “God-factor” ,…the miracle for it to come true.

Why do I like the arts so much when it’s so difficult to “make it” out there? What if – I never make it until I retire…

Getting back in touch with old friends can be a bittersweet experience. On one hand, there’s the joy of getting connected to the past where there’s just so much precious memories. On the other hand, there’s the tiny bit of jealousy that they have attained their success…whatever that may be in their eyes. Some of them have always wanted to be a full time housewife, raising a family…and they’ve achieved it. Some have been outspoken and ambitious since their teens, and they’re now directors, managers etc…and rightly so.

Meanwhile, I wanted to be a famous pianist, famous artist, famous tennis player…(yikes…see that trend)… the word “famous” is there. Of course, you need to be famous, or your artworks don’t sell, or you don’t get invited to perform etc…Of course, none of that materialized.

Today, I want to be a writer – hopefully not a starving writer. Hopefully, … I reach there before retirement. It has been a very long wait…and still waiting.