Tag Archives: ambition

Slave to Possessions

I’ve been enjoying the long break away from work so much that I find that I didn’t miss it at all. I’ve never felt the desire to connect to the office network and download my emails, at least not until today and it wasn’t because of desire but I can’t shirk my responsibility.

What I have observed is my passion to write is still there, even when I am not writing. What I need is an open door and inspiration from God to write something that will be my big break.

So much has happened the past year that has prompted me to look for a small property, to prepare for my future. Yes, so much to think about…the funds for the property, the funds to allocate in case of medical emergency (parents), cost of living that’s rising (and thank God for the drop in fuel price lately). Still, I’ve not found any property that I like which I can afford and I don’t see the point of being a slave to the property. Somehow, I don’t have the peace in buying any property at the moment. I’m not sure how to describe that feeling but it’s like a check in my heart that says, “no”.

I’ve also been wrestling so hard, wondering where my path leads. As always, I wish that God would show me a flowchart of my life so that I can see where various decisions would take me. I also know that if I had bought a property last year, I would be trapped and I won’t be able to leave a job that brings no fulfilment to me; and try something else that may bring me more fulfilment but at the same time, might be a drop in income.

Jeremiah 29:11 New Living Translation (NLT)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

The human side of me thinks I’m crazy to keep hanging on to that hope that God will open the door for me to what I’ve been wired to do. You see, I believe that if I’m already doing what I’m meant to do in this life,… there would be joy and fulfilment. I’m surprised that I’m still sane thus far. But oh, this wait is taking sooooo long.

Still, I know His plans are for good. Lord, please grant me favour, wisdom and peace at the workplace; and while You’re doing that, Lord keep me sane.

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The Very Long Wait

I do sometimes wonder why I’m so different from my siblings. Why is it that I don’t desire to join in the rat race, trying to climb to the top of an organization – or at least get to a post where I can say “I am a manager”. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I actually want all that for my life because I would be running after that with passion. Instead, the dream buried in my heart has higher chances of failing then actually being fruitful. Yes, I need that “God-factor” ,…the miracle for it to come true.

Why do I like the arts so much when it’s so difficult to “make it” out there? What if – I never make it until I retire…

Getting back in touch with old friends can be a bittersweet experience. On one hand, there’s the joy of getting connected to the past where there’s just so much precious memories. On the other hand, there’s the tiny bit of jealousy that they have attained their success…whatever that may be in their eyes. Some of them have always wanted to be a full time housewife, raising a family…and they’ve achieved it. Some have been outspoken and ambitious since their teens, and they’re now directors, managers etc…and rightly so.

Meanwhile, I wanted to be a famous pianist, famous artist, famous tennis player…(yikes…see that trend)… the word “famous” is there. Of course, you need to be famous, or your artworks don’t sell, or you don’t get invited to perform etc…Of course, none of that materialized.

Today, I want to be a writer – hopefully not a starving writer. Hopefully, … I reach there before retirement. It has been a very long wait…and still waiting.

To My Married Friends

I wanted to post this earlier but didn’t get around to it. Firstly I’m glad that you’ve found your happiness. I truly am. But do note that the same thing that brings one happiness might not necessarily bring others happiness. Perhaps you have good intentions but please respect your friends who are single. Don’t rush into matchmaking without checking with them first.
Don’t be too quick to say, “stop being so picky”. And hey, what’s wrong with waiting for the best match. Better to be single than go through a bad marriage and ending up in a divorce.
Don’t assume that just because they are single, they are more easily cheated by men/women.
I guess I’m saying that because I’ve experienced the above and dread meeting relatives as they will ask the dreaded question, “so, any boyfriend yet?” . Okay, so now they’ve given asking me but they ask my father if he’s going to introduce me to any man. Thank God my father is wise and that he knows these things just can’t be forced. I don’t know if they wake up feeling driven by a purpose or perhaps their purpose is to raise a family. But there’s so much I would like to do. So much I would like to see happen.
I want to write books, I want to see them published. Yes it’d be even greater to see the stories in the books brought to live by actors and actresses. I don’t even know if they’ll reach Hollywood, or ride the Korean wave. But I will die trying.

As for romance part, I guess it will have to wait. The right one will be there and ready when I am ready.

The chase

I wasn’t sure that to expect when I paid for the ticket to attend the TEDx event held at Whiteaways Arcade yesterday. When I learned about the event, I wanted to hear what someone I know has to say. It’s always very inspiring to listen to people whose dreams have come true. What can I say?

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I came out feeling very inspired. It may take a lot of work but it’s worth it. They’re living testimonies. If I’m not mistaken, one of the speakers mentioned that in the pursuit of your dream, you would see aspects of yourself that you didn’t know existed in the first place. (And some of those aspects are not pleasant.)

The most inspiring thing is that they’re just normal people like you and me. One of them didn’t do well in school. He mentioned that he’s never passed any of the Math test. Yet look at him today… Standing in front giving a talk about his life and how he achieved his dream. (And there were people lining up to get his autograph…) So you just really never know, do you?

Failures you face today may be the road that takes you to your destiny. They may very well be what you need in order to make you the person you ought to be to hold and carry that dream to fruition. Makes sense?

I have been busy plotting away for my novel. When I shared the plot with one of my friends, (…just a morsel…) she said, “He’s going to die. Why? I’m not going to read anymore.” Then I thought to myself, “I’m not done yet.” I know what will happen to conclude that novel but she doesn’t.

Isn’t it the same in life? Let God write your story. What you see today is not the end. He’s not done with you yet. Hope this inspires you as what I heard yesterday inspires me.

Romans 8:26-28

The Message (MSG)

26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

The Den of Lions

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never been the kind of person that likes to brag. (Of course, in the marketplace, they don’t call it bragging.) I believe my part is to continue to do my job well and I’m sure that would be noticed. I have the peace knowing that God will provide for me. I don’t have to sell myself or try to make myself visible among my peers. Promotion comes from God.

Psalm 75:6-7 For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another. (KJV)

Yesterday I had to present one of the quality documents about a  process flow. I wasn’t looking forward to it at all. In fact, I thought it would’ve been perfect if the projector failed to work that afternoon or there’s a power failure. To share and talk about a topic that’s hardly of any interest (for the sake of bread and butter) is truly called work. No passion involved. To make things worse, I knew that there would be people that would want to throw in questions to put me in the spot. While I had tried my best to present the ever so dry topic the way I lectured Mathematics in the past, I was relieved that another colleague was asked to present hers first. She read it straight from the document and it made things so easy for me. Since nobody complained the way it was presented, I followed suit. There were many questions asked but by then I had passed the plug to another colleague for the presentation and the manager answered all the questions. What can I say…

Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? (KJV)