How good are you at keeping secrets? I try to avoid getting myself caught in sticky situations. Here’s an example : If you have an older brother who is dating and he shares his secret with you. He says to you, “Don’t tell mom and dad. Stella and I have been dating for some time.” On the other end, your parents tell you, “You’re the closest to your older brother. Do you know if he’s dating anyone? If he is, you need to let us know. There’s this really sweet girl that we want to introduce him to.” What would your reaction be? Tell your parents the truth because you don’t want to lie? But that would be spilling the beans. Or tell your brother at the very start that you prefer not to know his secret?
I’ve had my own share of experience to know that it’s better to keep your dreams (goals) a secret and not tell anyone prematurely. It hurts when family members mock your dreams, and frustrating when they try to make you live theirs or pursue something they believe would be worth pursuing. (But what makes their dreams worthy, and not yours? Is it money?) I once made the mistake about sharing my interest to someone related to me. I knew she was studying for a course. So I shared with her my intention to take up a certain course, and immediately heard something along this line, “It’s a waste of money, I tell you. You should take this other course because you can make money freelancing.” Why is it always about money? And what if what I’m seeking for can’t be bought with money?
Anyway, before I could even take mini-steps in pursuing that interest, she had already wounded me. What happened? I gave it up.
But this time it’s different. I decided to guard my dreams and share to very few people whom I know either share the same passion with me, or they’re there to pray for me.
Amplified Bible (AMP)
5 Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight orunderstanding.
6 In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.
I must say, my brother in-law’s emails sometimes amuse me. I think he actually enjoys teasing me to a certain extent. Several years ago, when I was still studying in Canada, I think he and my sister had wanted to set me up with one of his friends. Naturally, being me, I rejected the idea. Then, when I finally met him, I was so surprised. He was so handsome.
Last Saturday after watching Thor: The Dark World, I told him that I enjoyed the movie. He said to me, “Oh, you and your immortal boyfriends.” Obviously I had a good laugh reading his email. Of course, I had to tell him about Loki. My brother in-law then replied saying that he thought Catwoman was the most loved villain. Hmm….Really? (I guess most men fancy Catwoman.) I told him I would take Loki anytime (compared to the other villains… eg. Malekith, Zod, etc… I also mentioned that I can’t wait to see Captain America : The Winter Soldier.
What followed was another email from my brother in-law telling me that he would set me up with one of his friends, dress him up in a cape, thick belt, and knee-high boots. (And underwear over his clothes…Yikes!!) Told him I didn’t want a hybrid.
I would laugh my head off if he really does dress his friend off like one of the superheroes. (But then again, the one I fancy is the villain. For the first time, it’s the villain that catches my attention.) Although I know all the above was meant as humour, it does make me wonder how he would be able to dress his friend up as eg. Superman.
I should probably remind him that his friend better be able to read poetry the way Loki does…wait..I mean Tom Hiddleston.
Truth be told, I think it’s easier to remain a child. I often hear children saying how much they wish they’re grown-ups but isn’t it so much easier to be a child and not have to worry about anything? Well, maybe there’s the pressure about passing exams and bullies etc… but we all come to that day when we must make tough decisions on making big purchases, finances etc…
After the decision made this morning, I will surely miss this house. This has been my home for so many years and the thought of having to move to a smaller place makes me sad because this is more than just a house. It’s been our home, and there’s just too many memories here.
Then again, I wouldn’t be able to handle maintenance on my own, when the time comes. Why can’t life be simpler?
I know my dad constantly worries about me because I’m unmarried. The common question is, “Who will take care of you?” “Who will be your companion when you grow old?” I suppose my answer would be, “God”. He will take care of me. I don’t know how but I believe it to be so. There was a time in my life when I wanted to get married, and that was when most of my peers were getting married and I thought there was something wrong with me but I’m sure God has His plans for me. It’s not that I made a decision not to marry but the right one never came along. The one whom I thought was right, didn’t think I’m right.
Of course, I don’t see it now but I have no doubt that the same God will take care of me. This also means I won’t be alone. I don’t have any fears about growing old alone. Who knows, I may even travel more in the future. Or who knows – maybe I may get married in my golden years. (At least I don’t have to handle baby diapers!)
Speaking of that, I had better prepare for questions again in the coming Chinese New Year. Anyway, what is it that make some people think that the entire purpose in living is to grow up, get married, have kids, grow old, and die?
I’ve been asked when did I postpone the surgery to. I have no idea. Naturally I hope that I don’t have to go for surgery. I am still reminding myself of the hope I have in Christ Jesus. This verse was given to me, just today.
New Living Translation (NLT)
20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
I choose to believe that God will continue to work His healing on my body. I know there is no cure for osteoarthritis, but with God – all things are possible.
I’m also praying to God to give me wisdom to know how to strengthen my muscles. I realize I may have gone about doing it the wrong way, ie. by exercising the muscles daily. I read elsewhere that the muscles need one day of rest to grow. So, now I’m doing my strengthening exercises but not daily. I’m giving them rest to enable them to grow and heal. God willing, by (latest) June this episode would be over.
This morning, I decided to postpone the surgery. The reason being I’ve not given up hoping that God will heal me without surgery. The decision to (or not to) go for surgery wasn’t easy. I had the peace of mind for a while but as the date got closer, I became more and more frighten. I had heard so much bad reports that I ended up feeling very confused towards the later part of this week and I had to try to climb the stairs again and see if there was any improvement. I was surprised that I was able to walk up and down without much pain on the left knee. I’m not sure how that happened. My mind playing tricks? I doubt it. I know God is still working behind the scenes although I’m not sure how he’s working this whole thing out.
Yes, I felt bad for the inconvenience caused but I was afraid of doing something that I could regret later. So, I’ve tried getting the viscosupplement. It was injected into my joint. There were two injections I believe, one for the local anesthetic and the other was the treatment to relieve the symptoms. My prayer is that it would reverse the symptoms and buy me time to strengthen my muscles and hopefully the kneecaps would get to the right location.
Yes, I had prepared everything from getting my car serviced to clearing my work issues but by last night I could not get much sleep. I was having so much problems trying to sleep and to the point that I felt so stressed. It was like there’s something pressing on my chest.
I am still hoping that God would miraculously heal me. That – would be the most amazing testimony for me.
The sound of my ipod hitting the wooden floor woke me up this morning. At the same time, I realized I forgot to change my phone to airplane mode. Just as I was getting ready to do so, a message appeared and when I read it, I was shocked. Possibly stunned as well. It was a very disturbing news on someone I know being charged for certain crimes which I’d rather not write. All I can say is the years that I’ve known him back in my university days, he was so much like a father to me. I can’t accept it because I don’t believe it’s true. And my heart just goes out to his family. I can’t imagine what they’re going through. I pray that God would remain close to this family and that God would intervene. Mutual friends seem to have the same hunch as me, that this whole thing is one bad accusation. This piece of news really shook me and if anything good came out of hearing that news, it’s that it managed to take my mind off my knee for a while.