In the recent chaos at home, I had no time to pray nor read the bible although I so wanted to. Somehow, one thing after another happened and it got to a point when I desperately needed to hear from the Lord. I’m so relieved to God still loves me even though I’m full of flaws, impatient, easily agitated and easily worried.
Somehow spending last night reading the Bible, singing worship songs and praying brought me relief and peace. I won’t elaborate on what I’m going through presently but yesterday after praying for deliverance, I somehow felt God telling me to keep my eyes focused on Him and not at the storm surrounding me. For a while, I thought that it’s just my own voice in my head but when I read the today’s devotional, it was the same message. “The key is to keep your eyes on Him, to remember that He is fighting each battle alongside you.” (pg. 129 Daily Grace, published by Blessing Books). Praise God that He is close to me although I can’t see Him and He makes Himself so real to me especially during times like these.
New King James Version (NKJV)
11 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
I think the image below speaks what I had planned to write. I’ve decided to allow that dream to die. It has become emotionally draining to continue grabbing on to the hope that I’ll make it some day. I’ve decided to stop painting and drawing. Some people do make it big as famous artists, and some don’t. It’s time to bury that dream. If it’s meant to live, God will resurrect it.
When it was first introduced, some friends joked about it, often linking it to the sanitary pad. I didn’t want to buy it solely for surfing the web since I could do the same thing with the macbook.
About a month ago, my friend introduced me to some drawing apps and I was immediately hooked. The Drawing Pad app – Wow! Suddenly I see how much easier it has become. I can start working on digital artworks now.
When I bought it yesterday, it almost seemed as if I could hear another friend getting excited about it. He’s no longer with us in the world but I definitely remember that one time when he introduced me to the macbook pro. I then saw the reason why he was in marketing. He did the demo just like a professional. The rest is history.
I caved in to the iPad. Just like how I caved in for the MacBook Pro.
This is a very beautiful song. In many ways, this reminds me that I have to die daily. I still ponder about the prophecy given to me about my future, and I do wonder how long I need to wait to see it come to pass. However, the confirmation I received gave me an assurance that God will see me through and at the correct time, it will happen.
New International Version (NIV)
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
My next appointment to see my orthopedic won’t be till 30 January. I found that this afternoon, whenever I’m walking, the moment I lift my leg from the ground, the side of my right kneecap is slightly tender. The fact is this kneecap pain has been troubling me since late November and it got worse. February is coming. I’m almost ready to give up on conservative treatment and go under the knife. This, I’m sure is another kind of pain. Now I just have to endure till 30 January. But which leg should I get treated first? The left or the right?
I’m so glad it’s only one more day before the long weekend to celebrate the Chinese New Year. I decided to take one more day off to not walk too much, and moreover… there won’t be much work on the week of Chinese New Year. I reckon most of my colleagues will taking the week off.
I especially need to spend more time with the Lord this coming few days as I will soon have to make the decision on surgery. Not an easy decision as there are pros and cons to everything.
There will be that time when you need to make a conscious decision to trust in God regardless of the dim outlook and the emotional swings; and even more so,…when you have no idea what would happen. I think that time has come for me. It’s easier to confess than practice.
Here is an excerpt of this song by Steven Curtis Chapman.
“God, I’m longing for the day to come
When this cloudy glass I’m looking through
Is shattered in a million pieces
And finally I can just see You”