What if …

What if you find out you have a condition whereby there’s no specific medical cure? And while it’s not life-threatening, it’s still not a nice thing to have. And, nobody really knows the specific cause for it while many have speculated that it’s genetics related. Others claim that certain food is the culprit, but there’s no evidence that both are related.

Here’s a mixture I prepared based on some of the articles I’ve read online. (Mixture: castor oil and turmeric powder). Here’s hoping that this would be the cure. Fingers crossed that some fine doctor will discover a medical cure for lipoma (not surgery).

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Sometimes…

I thought I had managed to surround my heart with thick walls but when I almost bumped into someone this morning, it felt like the walls of Jericho my heart crumbled. So I drove home trying to convince myself that I don’t feel anything towards him. After all, I only know him by name but I’ve listened to the songs he wrote so many times. (No, I’m not revealing his name.) And it’s not like he marched around the walls of my heart seven times, singing praises to God. It was nothing he did, but the walls crumbled when he smiled. It’s almost like I was having this conversation with God in my mind, where I insisted that I felt nothing and it’s as if God said “uh huh”

This evening, he wept. I wished I didn’t see that because it made my entire being want to just give him a back-hug and tell him that whatever it is that is not right at the moment, give it God and He will make it all right. I felt pain  for someone I don’t even know. And if I have the power to take away whatever it was that made him weep, I would have done so in a split second. But I don’t want to feel that way, so I pray that God would take away the feelings.

I really can identify with some parts of this song.

“Just sometimes, thinking about you. Just sometimes missing you. Even sometimes just a smile, it’s also enough for me.”

Lover of My Soul

I had one of those bizarre dreams a few nights ago. It was like I saw 3 different scenes, which may or may not be related. I saw one of my friends in the first scene but I can’t recall much of the first scene – only managed to remember that I saw her in my dream. In the second scene, I saw someone lifting me up – not the romance novel way.. but the “lion king” way. I couldn’t tell who was lifting me up since I was facing the other way and not looking at the person who lifted me. The third scene was just the sound of a loud gunshot which woke me up immediately.

I have been feeling restless for some time and asked the Lord what He’s saying to me, if anything at all. I didn’t have a clue, and it bothered me for a few days. Early this morning, thoughts started dropping in my head and I was reminded of this song,..Jesus, Lover of My Soul – especially the lyrics, “You lifted me from the miry clay.”
I think God is telling me that He is lifting me up from troubles.

Psalm 40:1-2 Living Bible (TLB)

40 I waited patiently for God to help me; then he listened and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out from the bog and the mire, and set my feet on a hard, firm path, and steadied me as I walked along.

This whole month, I have been receiving messages on trusting in God and putting my hope in God.

The sound of gunshot shows the sudden-ness (if there’s a word like that). It will happen suddenly…

Sometimes we fail to see when God is at work because our eyes are looking towards the troubles we are facing but just because we can’t see God working, it doesn’t mean He is not working.

Men may fail but God never fails!

Faith and Believing

I shall start by quoting this verse from the Bible which came to mind when I was meditating.

Psalm 16:8-11King James Version (KJV)

I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.

10 For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.

11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

I love the month of December because it means holidays are coming and I will have approximately 1 week to do what I would rather be doing on weekdays 8am – 5pm. I also love December because it’s Starbucks Toffee Nut Latte season. What I don’t like about December is the fact that the new year is approaching, which also means that the Chinese New Year is approaching. It used to mean more to me back in the days when my sisters were not married and it was like “Thanksgiving” or Christmas holidays when we have family reunions. However, things have been different for years. It’s more like a season when some cousins come and stay over because they would be doing the Chinese New Year visitations at a rural district and prefer to stay somewhere urban, and free of charge. Every year it’s the same, which means receiving the red packets (lucky money).  (Only singles receive this from the married adults.) So, there’s a certain stigma to it when older (married) relatives keep giving you “lucky money” even after you’ve hit the 30s..or 40s…and single. (At least, that’s how I witness.) Frequently asked questions are, “Do you have a boyfriend yet? Have you met someone? Are you dating? Why are you not dating? Isn’t there anyone in your workplace?” Of course as you grow older, the questions decrease but the money keeps coming. Relatives will talk to your father to find out about your marital status and if he needs help in getting that changed from “single” to “married”.

My sister and my brother-in-law once tried to set me up with one of his friends. I knew something was strange when she kept saying things on his favour and my heart said “uh oh” silently. Lunch was incredibly boring and I spent most of the time playing games on my iPhone because all the men could talk about was how the economy was doing and business etc… (Yawn…) I confronted her later that day and warned her never ever try that again.

When I was in my 20s, it felt like I was going to die, if my friends got married and I remained single. But hey, you don’t get married for the sake of getting married. My motto when I told my friends was “If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.” But that doesn’t take away the pressure from society. Of course, along the way, God helps you pick up the pieces of your broken heart when the one you adore doesn’t feel the same towards you; or… when someone you adore leaves for another country and gets married. It happens. Meanwhile, you get attention from people whom you feel zero chemistry with. This happens too.

Sometimes people around tend to make you feel that you’re incomplete without a spouse. Unfortunately this also happens in the household of faith. To me, life isn’t about a race to get married and have children. I am already complete, when Jesus came into my life. As for the rest of my years – however few or many that I will have, I hope to live life pursuing what He put me here to do…single, or married.

To those who keep saying that marriage and children will ensure that there will be at least someone to take care of you when you’re old, I say that it’s not necessarily true. Children when they grow up, may leave the country to work elsewhere. As for me, I know that only the LORD is with me all the time. And He will look after me when I grow old. My faith is in Him and Him alone, not in pension funds for provision etc… but God will provide for my every need.

Christmas Memories

It’s already December and how time flies! Christmas season is always a special time. Of course, we don’t forget the reason for the season. However, I have so many lovely memories of Christmas from many years ago. My favourite is the vacation in Stowe. Never mind that my entire body ached after the cross-country ski-ing but it’s just the typical small town I’d like to be in, during Christmas. Burlington is beautiful and homey. I’d love to visit Burlington again – someday.

Church Street at Burlington.

The Cluttered Mind

So many things have happened. I have been following the updates on the missing jet and how my heart grieves along with those who still have no closure, up till now.

My dad is unwell again. And so, my heart begins to worry. Again. Yes, I know God is with me. I just wish that I can see or feel His arms around me.

 

My Heavy Heart

When I saw a tweet about MH370 this morning, my heart felt so heavy. I still feel very down and I pray with all my heart that the plane would be found as fast as possible. I pray for the safety of the passengers. I also pray for the family members. It must be emotionally draining for them.