Yesterday was a bad bad day. I’m glad that it’s over but I’m not sure if there are residues. I’m just hanging on to God while my world is spinning. Dementia is a terrible disease and it affects not only the person who is sick but the caregivers. It requires being able to tolerate mean things said. It gets even worse when what is said attacks the very core of you.
Today is one of those days that I want to disappear and ask God to hide me from the world. Life is so crazy and hectic, I just want to stop everything and run to Jesus and hide.
While many stayed up late to usher in the new year and probably woke up with a hangover after late night partying … , I slept early and was woken up past midnight by loud fireworks. Then when I went downstairs on the morning of Jan 1, my dad called out to me and I realized he had fallen down. I had to call my mom cause it takes two of us to lift him up. A while later, I realized I probably injured my back muscle when I lifted him from the floor (even with my mother’s help.) So, I had to go for a traditional Thai massage.
That was the 1st day of 2018 for us, and a sore back for me. If I make it through 2018 without going insane, it will be truly by the grace of God.
So, I took some time off to meet an old friend whom I’ve not seen for some time. My heart goes out to her as she opened up to me and shared some of her problems. I never saw that side of her, and truthfully, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear. Somehow I seem to attract people who share their problems with me and I struggle because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with their burdens. (Yeah, pray about it, – I can almost hear you say.) But this time, I sense the Lord telling me to write a letter to her. Yet, I ask myself who am I to write? I feel inadequate and inexperience when it comes to marriage. I tried to push the thoughts away but I felt my heart being stirred, even when I was worshipping this morning, at church. How and what am I going to write? I’ve only experienced unrequited love. Yet, I sense God telling me that He will give me the words.
I need wisdom from up above to tell my friend about God’s great love.
Galatians 5:22-23 Amplified Bible (AMP)
22 But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness,
23 Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].
Lately, my workload has increased and what hasn’t helped me is that the suppliers based in US haven’t been constant in their replies. I’ve had to wake up extremely early to catch them due to the time zone difference. And I miss my morning quiet time. Does it mean I now have to reschedule my morning devotions to night?
I also have a problem in expressing my true feelings on the current conditions of my work. Perhaps speaking the truth will be overly negative. But I don’t want to lie….
I was in a play once – when I was in pre-school. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Guess who I was…. drumroll…. the narrator. Hah! I was telling stories even back then.
It just dawned on me that many of us (myself included) have been rehearsing, not in plays but in this big drama called life. The still, small voice that I depend on,…told me this morning that I have been rehearsing on the wrong things. You see,..a small group of us were given a piece of news yesterday which somehow killed our appetites and dampened our spirits. Then every time another friend asked about how the day was, there I was – rehearsing the bad news and what I’m expecting after this organization change.
This morning, after calling my supplier, I felt God ask me to stop rehearsing the bad lines. Rehearse by speaking what is the truth because facts are subject to change.
John 15:7 King James Version (KJV)
7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
And I shall sought the Lord for favour.
I still have much to learn about paying attention to the still, small voice. Yes, I should’ve listened to the voice that urged me to head straight to work and forget about getting my “much deserved” coffee because I’ve been having an incredibly tough and long week with so much work and….DEADLINES!
So, I happily drove to order my coffee at the drivethru, made that suicidal right turn and it happened. Of course, I’m still beating myself about it. What’s worse is when I get home, I’ll be reprimanded…although it’s my car, and my money. If I can help it, I don’t want to send it for repair because it will be costly.
Of course, it hasn’t been a fantastic morning either since we woke up seeing a pile of ashes in our compound. They were ashes from the burnt offering last night. My neighbour happens to have a bad habit of burning the stuff almost in front of our house, and so the ashes will reach our compound whenever the wind blows.
Ephesians 4:26 Good News Translation (GNT)
26 If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day.
Yes, I am human. I do get angry. I’m human enough to imagine myself throwing a shoe at someone who got me mad this morning. It’s frustrating when you try your best to be at peace with everyone but somehow, there’s that person that always gets in the way.
Here’s a word of advice: If you need something (at the workplace), don’t send out the email after 5pm on a Friday and say that you want to get the answers by Monday. Perhaps you find it a thrill to connect to the network and check your office emails on the weekends, not everyone does that,… so don’t expect everyone to spend their weekends working (when not required to do so)…just because it’s your hobby.
One more thing – if you need clarification on a report which you received, send your question immediately. The next day is ok, or even the following week. Don’t question the person two months later because not everyone has the time to extract all the old information again and re-analyse just to answer you. Plus, it’s not lean.
There…. I’ve done my shoe-throwing.