I thought I had managed to surround my heart with thick walls but when I almost bumped into someone this morning, it felt like the walls of
Jericho my heart crumbled. So I drove home trying to convince myself that I don’t feel anything towards him. After all, I only know him by name but I’ve listened to the songs he wrote so many times. (No, I’m not revealing his name.) And it’s not like he marched around the walls of my heart seven times, singing praises to God. It was nothing he did, but the walls crumbled when he smiled. It’s almost like I was having this conversation with God in my mind, where I insisted that I felt nothing and it’s as if God said “uh huh”
This evening, he wept. I wished I didn’t see that because it made my entire being want to just give him a back-hug and tell him that whatever it is that is not right at the moment, give it God and He will make it all right. I felt pain for someone I don’t even know. And if I have the power to take away whatever it was that made him weep, I would have done so in a split second. But I don’t want to feel that way, so I pray that God would take away the feelings.
I really can identify with some parts of this song.
“Just sometimes, thinking about you. Just sometimes missing you. Even sometimes just a smile, it’s also enough for me.”