I do sometimes wonder why I’m so different from my siblings. Why is it that I don’t desire to join in the rat race, trying to climb to the top of an organization – or at least get to a post where I can say “I am a manager”. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I actually want all that for my life because I would be running after that with passion. Instead, the dream buried in my heart has higher chances of failing then actually being fruitful. Yes, I need that “God-factor” ,…the miracle for it to come true.
Why do I like the arts so much when it’s so difficult to “make it” out there? What if – I never make it until I retire…
Getting back in touch with old friends can be a bittersweet experience. On one hand, there’s the joy of getting connected to the past where there’s just so much precious memories. On the other hand, there’s the tiny bit of jealousy that they have attained their success…whatever that may be in their eyes. Some of them have always wanted to be a full time housewife, raising a family…and they’ve achieved it. Some have been outspoken and ambitious since their teens, and they’re now directors, managers etc…and rightly so.
Meanwhile, I wanted to be a famous pianist, famous artist, famous tennis player…(yikes…see that trend)… the word “famous” is there. Of course, you need to be famous, or your artworks don’t sell, or you don’t get invited to perform etc…Of course, none of that materialized.
Today, I want to be a writer – hopefully not a starving writer. Hopefully, … I reach there before retirement. It has been a very long wait…and still waiting.