“I Can Just Be Me”

Quite recently, I discovered a song by Laura Story. It’s called “I Can Just Be Me”, in her latest album. I could really identify with it. The lyrics said it all.  “Cause I’m so tired of trying to be someone I was never meant to be.” Sometimes I wonder if the raw deal I experience at the workplace is allowed into my life to propel me to move forward. By that I don’t mean trampling on others and joining the rat race since I’ve never been interested in the corporate ladder.

Looking back, I took the course that was suggested to me because computer science graduates were making good money. So, that was the whole point back then… Making money! Then I realized that in the midst of studying for the dreaded course, it just wasn’t me. Obviously because the passion wasn’t there and so I didn’t do well in the computer science related courses. I did well in music and I wish I had taken some art courses. I swear I would have aced the art courses. In the final year, I changed the program I was studying to Mathematics because it was too late to start all over and it was much easier than Computer Science. Praise God I graduated although I wasn’t present at the ceremony. I can’t undo the past and go through everything again so I believe God will use all that I experienced in the 4 years for something good. (He doesn’t waste anything, does He?)

Two days ago, while flipping through a fashion magazine, I saw faces of successful women. Some were CEOs, some others were founders or co-founders of some organization, and there were managers etc… It caused me to ask myself, “What about me?” Do I want my face in that magazine? Nope. But it made me realize I’ve been trying to be what everyone else expects me to be all these years and now, I feel like an artist…a writer…someone with a creative spirit trapped inside this shell called “8 to 5pm stable job” that brings me absolutely no joy. I don’t want to climb the corporate ladder just because that’s expected of me, or that’s logical. Yes, I’ve been called “stupid” because of my choice. But hey, artists are a different breed altogether, eh?

I can, sit around and wait for the dream to fall on my lap…OR, I can pursue it, and with God’s help, be able to stand proud a few years later saying “I did it. My books are at on the shelves at the bookstores. My artworks have been to different galleries.”  I’ve allowed myself to not pursue them because money is involved. Yes, I’ve allowed words from well-intentioned people to sink in my heart. “That’s a waste of money.” But I guess today, wasting money is what you spend trying to fulfill another’s dream(s).  I have to start investing in my dream. It’s now, or never!

It’s free-ing to know that I only need to be who I was created to be. Praise God! So what if they think I’m stupid at the workplace. One day I will stand before them and surprise them with what God has enabled me to do.



One thought on ““I Can Just Be Me”

  1. Anna Tan

    Haha.. I feel that way too sometimes.

    I was really encouraged by what Gabe said to me one day after cell. I don’t remember the exact words but it was something like he was encouraged to see people like me who are able to keep a stable job and still pursue our passions. Because a lot of times those who just chase these artsy dreams end up broke and relying on parents and have nothing to fall back on. And it’s not always because they’re not talented or passionate enough. It’s sometimes just something hard to do or the wrong timing, or not enough backing and stuff like that.

    anyways. There are enough self-publishing authors who are doing really well and still have full-time jobs… so I’m going to give it a go this way until something changes.

    Maybe when we’re famous enough to have to do it full time and be paid major money for it!



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